Ep 2. I Thought I Trusted Allah… But Really I Just Wanted Control
When Trust Feels Hard Learning the Difference Between Tawakkul and Control
There is a question I’ve been reflecting on recently, and it’s one that I think many of us, especially as women, quietly wrestle with:
Do I truly trust Allah… or do I simply feel more comfortable when I’m in control?
It’s not an easy question to ask ourselves.
Many of us would confidently say that we have tawakkul. We make du’a, we pray istikhara, we remind ourselves that Allah’s plan is always better than our own. Yet, if we’re honest, our minds can tell a very different story.
We overthink.
We replay conversations.
We prepare for every possible outcome.
We search for certainty where none exists.
We carry the emotional weight of everyone around us.
Then we wonder why we feel so exhausted.
The truth is, sometimes what we believe is trust is actually our attempt to manage every possible outcome before we feel safe enough to let go.
That isn’t a criticism. It’s a very human response.
But it is worth exploring.
When Planning Becomes Carrying the Weight of the World
Planning is not the problem.
Islam encourages us to take the means. We organise, we prepare, we seek knowledge, and then we place our trust in Allah.
The difficulty comes when preparation slowly turns into pressure.
Instead of making a plan and moving forward, we begin carrying the responsibility for every possible future.
“What if this happens?”
“What if I make the wrong decision?”
“What if I miss something important?”
“What if things don’t work out?”
Without realising it, we convince ourselves that if we think hard enough, prepare enough, or worry enough, we can somehow prevent hardship from reaching us.
Unfortunately, that’s not how life works.
Life will always contain uncertainty.
And perhaps that is exactly where our faith is meant to grow.
Why So Many Women Struggle With Letting Go
As women, we naturally carry a great deal.
We’re often the organisers of our homes, the emotional support for our families, the ones remembering appointments, birthdays, school events, shopping lists, and everyone’s feelings before our own.
Eventually, carrying becomes our normal.
Being “the strong one” becomes part of our identity.
But strength can quietly become something unhealthy when we begin believing that everything depends on us.
Many women don’t even recognise how much responsibility they’ve placed on their own shoulders until their minds refuse to switch off.
Rest becomes difficult.
Silence feels uncomfortable.
Even moments of peace are interrupted by thoughts of what still needs to be done.
This isn’t always because life is unusually difficult.
Sometimes it’s because we’ve become responsible for outcomes that were never ours to control.
The Hidden Connection Between Anxiety and Control
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt is that anxiety and control often walk hand in hand.
Not every person who experiences anxiety struggles with control.
But many people who constantly need certainty find themselves trapped in anxious thinking.
Think about how often your mind tries to solve problems that haven’t even happened.
How many conversations have you rehearsed before they’ve taken place?
How many situations have you mentally lived through before they’ve even arrived?
How much energy have you spent preparing for possibilities that never came?
Our minds tell us we’re protecting ourselves.
In reality, we’re often exhausting ourselves.
Control creates the illusion of safety, but it rarely brings genuine peace.
Pregnancy, Birth and the Desire for Certainty
Working alongside pregnant women has shown me just how deeply this desire for certainty can affect birth.
Many women spend months trying to predict exactly how labour will unfold.
They want to know when labour will begin.
How long it will last.
Whether they’ll cope.
Whether their birth plan will stay exactly as written.
These questions are completely understandable.
Birth is one of the biggest transitions a woman will experience.
Education is incredibly valuable. Understanding your options, learning about informed consent, preparing your birth environment and surrounding yourself with supportive people are all important parts of preparing for birth.
But there comes a point where no amount of preparation can remove uncertainty.
Birth, much like life, asks us to do something incredibly difficult.
It asks us to trust.
Not because everything will happen exactly as we planned, but because we know Allah remains in control regardless of the outcome.
That shift changes everything.
What Tawakkul Actually Looks Like
Tawakkul is often misunderstood.
It isn’t sitting back and doing nothing.
It isn’t avoiding planning or refusing to seek knowledge.
Islam teaches us to tie our camel first.
We take the means available to us.
We prepare wisely.
We ask questions.
We seek support.
We make du’a.
And then…
We release the outcome.
That final step is often the hardest.
Because surrender doesn’t feel comfortable.
It doesn’t provide certainty.
It requires us to admit that despite all our effort, the result ultimately belongs to Allah.
There is incredible peace in that reality, but it usually comes after discomfort, not before it.
Trusting Allah When Life Doesn’t Go to Plan
It’s easy to say we trust Allah when life is unfolding exactly how we hoped.
The real test often comes when it doesn’t.
When the pregnancy becomes more complicated than expected.
When birth takes an unexpected turn.
When marriage enters a difficult season.
When a child struggles.
When a business grows slower than anticipated.
When healing takes longer than we imagined.
Those moments reveal where our trust truly sits.
Do we only trust Allah when we understand His plan?
Or can we trust Him even when we don’t?
That doesn’t mean we won’t feel sadness, disappointment or fear.
It means we continue believing that Allah’s wisdom extends beyond what we can currently see.
Surrender Is Not Weakness
Our culture often tells us that strength means being in control.
Islam teaches something much deeper.
Real strength is continuing to move forward while placing your reliance upon Allah.
Real strength is making du’a while accepting that the answer may look different from what you expected.
Real strength is continuing to hope after disappointment.
Real strength is allowing your heart to soften instead of becoming hardened by fear.
Surrender is not giving up.
It is recognising the difference between what belongs to us and what belongs to Allah.
Our responsibility is the effort.
The outcome is His.
Gentle Questions to Reflect On
If this conversation resonates with you, perhaps spend some time reflecting on these questions.
Do I struggle to rest because my mind is constantly planning?
Do I believe everything depends on me?
How do I respond when life doesn’t go according to plan?
Am I seeking certainty more than I am seeking Allah?
What would it look like to prepare well while also surrendering the outcome?
These aren’t questions designed to make you feel guilty.
They’re invitations to become more aware of the relationship between fear, control and trust.
Awareness is often the first step towards healing.
Choosing Peace Over Perfection
Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is permission to stop carrying responsibilities that were never ours.
We can prepare without becoming consumed.
We can plan without believing we control tomorrow.
We can work hard without believing success rests entirely on our shoulders.
Most importantly, we can remind ourselves that tawakkul isn’t the absence of effort.
It is the presence of trust.
There will always be unknowns in life.
There will always be moments that ask us to loosen our grip and remember who truly holds our future.
And maybe that is where peace has been waiting all along.
Listen to the Full Conversation
If this topic resonates with you and you’d like to hear the personal stories and deeper reflections behind this discussion, listen to Episode 2 of The Audacious Noor Podcast: “I Thought I Trusted Allah… But Really I Just Wanted Control.”
Whether you’re navigating pregnancy, birth preparation, motherhood, marriage, anxiety, or simply learning what it means to develop deeper tawakkul, my hope is that this conversation reminds you of one thing:
You were never meant to carry the weight of the future on your own.
Allah already does.
About Mamacub Wellness
At Mamacub Wellness, I support Muslim women throughout pregnancy, birth and postpartum with compassionate, faith-centred care. As a Muslim doula in Western Sydney, I help women move from birth fear to birth confidence through birth education, mindset coaching, birth support and Islamic encouragement.
Whether you’re preparing for your first baby, working through birth anxiety or looking for a doula who understands your faith and values, my mission is to help you feel informed, supported and empowered every step of the way.
Website: Mamacub Wellness
Instagram: @mamacub_wellness
