Ep 2. I Thought I Trusted Allah… But Really I Just Wanted Control
Understanding Tawakkul, Anxiety and the Need for Control as a Muslim Woman
If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake at night, replaying every possible outcome in your mind, planning for every “what if,” or feeling like the weight of your family rests entirely on your shoulders, you’re not alone.
As Muslim women, we often tell ourselves that we trust Allah. We make du’a, pray for guidance, and remind ourselves that Allah’s plan is best. Yet, many of us still carry an overwhelming need to control every situation.
The truth is, trusting Allah (tawakkul) and trying to control every outcome are not the same thing.
This is a lesson I’ve had to learn myself, and one that has completely changed the way I approach pregnancy, birth, motherhood, marriage, business, and everyday life.
What Is Tawakkul?
One of the most beautiful concepts in Islam is tawakkul—placing your trust in Allah after making your best effort.
Many people misunderstand tawakkul as simply “leaving everything to Allah.”
But that’s not what Islam teaches us.
The Prophet ﷺ taught us to tie our camel and then trust Allah.
That means we:
Prepare.
Learn.
Plan.
Seek knowledge.
Make du’a.
Take action.
Then we release the outcome to Allah.
True tawakkul isn’t about giving up responsibility. It’s about recognising that while we control our effort, Allah alone controls the outcome.
Why Muslim Women Struggle with Control
As women, especially mothers, we naturally carry a lot of emotional responsibility.
We remember appointments.
We organise the home.
We think about everyone’s wellbeing.
We plan for the future.
We anticipate problems before they happen.
Over time, this constant responsibility can convince us that if we stop thinking about everything, something will go wrong.
Eventually, control begins to feel like safety.
This can show up as:
Constant overthinking.
Anxiety about the future.
Perfectionism.
Difficulty relaxing.
Feeling guilty when resting.
Fear of making the wrong decision.
Birth anxiety.
Parenting anxiety.
Marriage worries.
Financial stress.
The difficult part is that society often praises these behaviours.
People call us organised, responsible and capable.
Internally, however, many women are simply exhausted.
The Link Between Anxiety and Control
One of the biggest realisations I had was this:
My anxiety wasn’t always about fear. Sometimes it was about control.
Control gives us the illusion that if we think enough, prepare enough or worry enough, we can prevent pain.
But anxiety has no finish line.
Every answer creates another question.
Every plan creates another backup plan.
Every “what if” creates another scenario to prepare for.
Instead of creating peace, control often keeps our nervous system in a constant state of alert.
Tawakkul Doesn’t Mean Everything Goes Your Way
This is where many of us struggle.
It’s easy to say:
“I trust Allah.”
But what happens when things don’t unfold the way we hoped?
What happens when:
Labour doesn’t go according to your birth plan?
Pregnancy becomes more complicated?
You’re still waiting to conceive?
Marriage feels difficult?
Healing takes longer than expected?
Your du’a hasn’t been answered yet?
Real tawakkul begins when certainty disappears.
Trusting Allah doesn’t mean believing life will always be easy.
It means believing Allah is still good, even when life is difficult.
Pregnancy, Birth and Learning to Surrender
As a Muslim doula in Western Sydney, I see this every day.
Many women spend months preparing for birth, which is a wonderful thing.
Education builds confidence.
Birth preparation reduces fear.
Learning your options is incredibly important.
But sometimes preparation quietly becomes an attempt to control every detail.
Birth teaches us something profound.
No matter how prepared we are, there will always be parts of labour we cannot predict.
Birth asks women to soften.
To breathe.
To trust their bodies.
And ultimately, to trust Allah.
This doesn’t mean we stop advocating for ourselves or making informed decisions.
It means we stop believing that peace only comes when everything goes exactly according to plan.
Why Surrender Feels So Uncomfortable
Surrender often feels uncomfortable because our nervous system prefers certainty.
We want guarantees.
We want answers.
We want to know what’s coming next.
Faith asks something different.
Faith asks us to continue walking, even when we can’t see the whole path.
That isn’t weakness.
That is courage.
Some of the strongest women I’ve ever met aren’t the ones who control every situation.
They’re the women who remain gentle, hopeful and connected to Allah, even in uncertainty.
Questions to Reflect On
If this conversation resonates with you, spend some time reflecting on these questions.
Do I struggle when things don’t go to plan?
Do I constantly need reassurance?
Am I mentally living in the future instead of the present?
Do I feel responsible for everyone’s happiness?
Do I find it difficult to rest?
Am I trying to control things that ultimately belong to Allah?
Awareness isn’t about guilt.
It’s the first step towards healing.
Finding Peace Through Tawakkul
The goal isn’t to stop planning.
The goal isn’t to stop caring.
The goal isn’t to become passive.
The goal is to prepare well while allowing your heart to rest in Allah.
Because peace isn’t found in perfect plans.
Peace is found in remembering Who is writing your story.
And perhaps that’s what tawakkul really is.
Not having all the answers.
But knowing the One who does.
Listen to Episode 2 of
The Audacious Noor Podcast
If you’ve ever struggled with anxiety, overthinking, perfectionism, birth fears or the need to control every outcome, this episode is for you.
Together, we’ll explore what it truly means to trust Allah, surrender with confidence and find peace in uncertainty.
About Mamacub Wellness
At Mamacub Wellness, I support Muslim women throughout pregnancy, birth and postpartum with compassionate, faith-centred care. As a Muslim doula in Western Sydney, I help women move from birth fear to birth confidence through birth education, mindset coaching, birth support and Islamic encouragement.
Whether you’re preparing for your first baby, working through birth anxiety or looking for a doula who understands your faith and values, my mission is to help you feel informed, supported and empowered every step of the way.
Website: Mamacub Wellness
Instagram: @mamacub_wellness
