Eps 9. Confidence Isn’t Something You’re Born With

Confidence Isn’t Something You’re Born With

There are moments in life that completely change the way you see yourself.

Not because everything suddenly becomes easy, but because you realise you’re capable of more than you ever believed.

For me, one of those moments happened in 2019, standing on a bungee jumping platform in New Zealand.

What most people don’t know is that jumping off that bridge had been on my bucket list since I was about sixteen years old. It wasn’t a spontaneous decision or something I thought looked fun while travelling. It was a dream I’d carried with me for over a decade.

I imagined that moment so many times.

I imagined feeling brave.
I imagined feeling accomplished.
I imagined standing on the edge and simply… jumping.

Reality looked very different.

The Moment Fear Took Over

I remember stepping onto the platform and gripping the bar in front of me.

The instructor asked me to lift my head and look straight ahead.

The moment I did, my entire body panicked.

My heart raced.

My breathing changed.

Every instinct in me screamed, Get out of here.

I stepped backwards.

I asked them to take all the safety equipment off me.

Then I walked away.

That was it.

I was done.

My mum came over, encouraging me to go back. She knew how much this meant to me. She’d watched me dream about this for years, and she was genuinely excited to see me achieve something I’d talked about for so long.

But I couldn’t hear any of that.

All I could think was,

“I can’t do this.”

I didn’t care how much money I’d spent.

I didn’t care that I’d probably never get another opportunity.

I just wanted the fear to stop.

Support Doesn’t Remove Fear

Looking back, one of the most beautiful parts of that experience wasn’t actually the jump.

It was my mum.

Because while I was standing there completely consumed by fear, she quietly went and spoke to one of the staff members.

Without me knowing, she asked if someone could jump with me.

A few moments later, one of the staff members walked over and said,

“I’ll do it with you.”

At first, I still said no.

But then something shifted.

I remembered why I was there.

I remembered how long I’d wanted this.

And I realised I had a choice.

I could walk away and allow fear to write the ending…

or I could take the leap anyway.

That moment taught me something I still carry with me today.

Support isn’t about someone removing your fear.

It’s about someone reminding you that you’re capable of facing it.

Whether that’s your husband, your family, a trusted friend, a therapist, a mentor, a business coach, your community, or even a doula during labour—support doesn’t do the hard thing for you.

It simply reminds you that you don’t have to face it alone.

Courage Comes Before Confidence

Eventually, I walked back onto that platform.

I was still terrified.

My heart was still racing.

Even today, when I watch the video back, I can see the fear all over my face.

I can see a woman who wanted to run.

Then they counted us down.

Three.

Two.

One.

We jumped.

The first second felt terrifying.

Then something changed.

I wasn’t falling anymore.

I was flying.

By the time my hand skimmed across the water beneath me, I wasn’t the same woman who had stood on that platform just moments before.

That day taught me one of the greatest lessons of my life.

The jump didn’t require confidence.

It required courage.

The confidence came afterwards.

We Only Ever See the Ending

Whenever I share that video online, people often tell me how brave I was.

How fearless I looked.

How confident I seemed.

And they’re right.

But they’re only seeing the final ten seconds of the story.

They didn’t see the twenty minutes beforehand.

They didn’t see me step backwards.

They didn’t see me ask for the harness to be removed.

They didn’t see me walk away convinced I couldn’t do it.

They didn’t hear the conversation I had with myself before I found the courage to return.

It made me realise something.

We do this with people all the time.

We see someone’s business and assume they’ve always been confident.

We see someone speaking on stage and assume public speaking comes naturally.

We see someone showing up online consistently and assume they never feel self-conscious.

We see someone’s success…

without ever seeing the battle that came before it.

Confidence often looks effortless from the outside.

But most of the time, it’s been built through countless moments of fear that nobody else ever witnessed.

I’m Still Learning

People often assume that because I have a business, record a podcast, speak at events, and share my life online, confidence must come naturally to me now.

The truth?

It doesn’t.

Every new season still stretches me.

Every speaking opportunity still makes me nervous.

Every podcast episode starts with moments of self-doubt.

I’ve recorded episodes only to delete them because they didn’t feel right.

I’ve questioned whether I should launch new ideas.

I’ve wondered whether I’m qualified enough.

I’ve walked into rooms where I questioned whether I belonged.

That feeling hasn’t disappeared.

The difference is that I’ve learnt what comes after it.

I’ve stood on enough metaphorical ledges to know that fear isn’t the end of the story.

It’s often the beginning.

Confidence Is Built Through Action

One of the biggest turning points in my life was launching my business.

If I’m honest, I wanted to wait.

I wanted another qualification.

More experience.

More certainty.

More confidence.

But if I’d waited until I felt completely ready, I don’t know if I ever would’ve started.

The same has been true with my podcast.

With speaking opportunities.

With supporting families during birth.

With interviews.

With difficult conversations.

With almost every meaningful opportunity I’ve ever said yes to.

Not one of those things began with confidence.

They all began with discomfort.

The confidence came because I kept showing up.

I’ve learnt that confidence isn’t something you find.

It’s something you build.

One uncomfortable step at a time.

Trusting Allah More Than My Fear

One lesson that has become more meaningful as I’ve grown is this:

My confidence doesn’t come from believing I’m capable of everything.

It comes from trusting Allah through everything.

There are still days when I doubt myself.

Days when I question my decisions.

Days when I wonder whether I’m enough.

But tawakkul reminds me that I don’t have to know every outcome before taking the next step.

I simply have to trust that if I’m sincerely striving for good, Allah is with me every step of the way.

That doesn’t mean life will always be easy.

It doesn’t mean every opportunity will work out exactly how I planned.

But it does mean that even the uncomfortable seasons are shaping me into the woman Allah is calling me to become.

Stop Waiting

I think so many of us spend our lives waiting.

Waiting until we’ve lost the weight.

Waiting until we have more money.

Waiting until the children are older.

Waiting until we’ve completed another course.

Waiting until we know more.

Waiting until we finally feel confident.

But what if confidence isn’t the thing you’re waiting for?

What if confidence is waiting for you on the other side of the decision you’ve been avoiding?

What if the only way to become confident…

is to take the leap first?

One Final Thought

Every time I watch that bungee jumping video now, I don’t just see someone taking a leap.

I see a woman who was convinced she couldn’t do it.

A woman who stepped backwards.

A woman whose heart was racing.

A woman who wanted to walk away.

But I also see a woman who chose courage anyway.

That woman reminds me that confidence isn’t about never being afraid.

It’s about refusing to let fear make your decisions.

So today, I want to leave you with one question.

What are you standing on the edge of?

Maybe it’s starting the business.

Maybe it’s applying for the job.

Maybe it’s returning to study.

Maybe it’s beginning therapy.

Maybe it’s having the conversation you’ve been avoiding.

Maybe it’s finally saying yes to something that’s been sitting on your heart for years.

Whatever it is…

don’t wait until you feel confident.

Take the first step.

Lean on the people Allah has placed around you.

Trust Him with what you cannot see.

And have the courage to bet on yourself.

Because one day you’ll look back at this version of yourself, smile, and realise something beautiful:

Confidence was never waiting at the top of the bridge. It was waiting for you on the other side of the leap.